redeeming the uneven

Subway Rep: Well if that’ll be all, I’ll be on my way [he...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:54:03 +1000

Subway Rep: Well if that’ll be all, I’ll be on my way [he looks down] … if someone could hand me my jacket.
[Silence]
Pierce: It’s right over there on the coat rack next to the door.
Subway Rep: If somebody could just hand it to me that would be great.
[Britta & the Dean glance at the coat rack, puzzled]
Dean: I guess I’m confused. Why don’t you just grab it on your way out the door?
Subway Rep: Y’know what? Now I’m not leaving. Now I’m just going to sit for a while and focus on how unacceptable today was.

(3.13 Digital Exploration Of Interior Design)

Photo

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 21:02:02 +1000

"Listen sucka, I’m blacker than the ace of spades and more militant than you and your whole damn army..."

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 16:49:00 +1000

“Listen sucka, I’m blacker than the ace of spades and more militant than you and your whole damn army put together. While you out there, chanting at rallies and brow-beating politicians, I’m taking out any money-fronting sucka on a humble that gets in my way. So I tell you what, when your so called revolution starts, you call me, and I’ll be right down front showing you how it’s done. But until then, you need to SHUT THE FUCK UP when grown folks is talking!”

- Black Dynamite

Karl: The stakes were high, the risks were low.

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 02:46:00 +1000

Karl: The stakes were high, the risks were low.
Ricky: What do you mean?!
Steve: I think he's just trying to sound cool!

Michael Scott: That? In the conference room? We were joshin’...

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 22:24:43 +1000

Michael Scott: That? In the conference room? We were joshin’ around, the two of us. And he said, “Did I stutter?” And I said, “wu-wu-wu-wu-whhhat, dawg?” It was joking, Toby, alright?
Toby: He didn’t seem like he was joking.
Michael Scott: Well you don’t get it. Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man and you’re… you. If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another. “Hey, um, you’re poor.” “Well hey, your mom is dead.” That’s what friends do. It’s… you’re so white.

That burn was brought to you by the letter S, as in Snap! ('Community' reference, folks.)

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 23:01:00 +1000

The Governor: I thought you were a cop, not a lawyer.
Rick: Either way, I don’t pretend to be a governor.

Ron: I'll have the Number 8.

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 00:17:22 +1000

Ron: I'll have the Number 8.
Waiter: That's a party platter. It serves twelve.
Ron: I know what I'm about, son.

Photo

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 21:52:22 +1000

Derek | 1x06: The Funeral

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 20:30:00 +1000

Derek | 1x06: The Funeral:

Interviewer: Do you have any regrets?

Kev: Yeah. That I always try the easy way out, you know? Always -well, I thought it was the easy way out. Always look for an angle. You know? Look for a shortcut. Should have tried, I guess. Could have worked hard. But I gambled, and I drank, and I begged, and I hoped. I’m a coward. I’m a… failure, I guess. I’m not a failure because I didn’t succeed, I’m a failure because I didn’t try.

I’m just glad I met Derek, you know? Not cos he’s better than me, everyone’s better than me… but cos he makes me feel better. Cos he’s better than everyone. Derek took the best shortcut you can. The only shortcut that’s good and the only shortcut that works. And that’s kindness.

It's Always Sunny, 5x04 The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:24:00 +1000

Charlie: I guess my letter would be about how Frank and I aren't really making memories together anymore. And, you know, how when we don't make memories together, that's a hurtful thing for me.
Dennis: Okay, uh... you know, let's just dive right in. I'm not even going to try to suss out where you're going with that one.
Charlie: Number one- when was the last time we played nightcrawlers together, Frank?
Dennis: Uh, okay, what is that?
Charlie: Well, it's not about you. Why don't you just write it down and then...
Dennis: You said it. You said nightcrawlers and now I feel like I can't move past it. I gotta know what that is.
Charlie: It's, it's no big deal, you know. If I were you, I'd just write it down. It's not really a big deal.
Dennis: What is it?
Charlie: It's what it sounds like.
Dennis: What it sounds like is that you two crawl around like worms at night. That's what it sounds like.
Charlie: This is not about you.

Dennis: Let’s have a board game night! Chinese checkers, I got,...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 12:56:27 +1000

Dennis: Let’s have a board game night! Chinese checkers, I got, um—
Charlie: Well, that’s kind of foreign.
Dennis: I got—I got Clue, you know. We could solve a mystery together. We could—
Charlie: Complicated stuff there.
Dennis: What about Connect Four? Connect Four’s a fun game.
Charlie: Lot of counting.
Dennis: It’s not that much counting. It’s just one, two, three, and then four.
Charlie: But a lot—a lot of times you gotta count that much.
Dennis: Not that many times. If you get it once, you’ve won the game…

- It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia; S04E04; ‘Mac’s Banging the Waitress’

The Gang meets Dr Jinx (8.06)

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 13:06:00 +1000

Dr Jinx: Now when most people think of a doctor, they don't think of a black man, living in a garage, surrounded by house plants.
Mac: I normally think asian.
Charlie: Yeah, I think of an indian guy.
Dennis: Or white.
Mac: Middle eastern. Pretty much anything other than black. Is that racist?
Dr Jinx: Hell yeah, that's racist. Your parents didn't let you watch The Cosby Show when you was coming up?
Mac: Oh, my parents would never have let me watch something like that.
Charlie: Let's not make this about racism. Let's make this about the man who's living in a garage, treating my mom for cancer.

“… because when John first came to the Island, he was a very...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 03:12:00 +1000

“… because when John first came to the Island, he was a very sad man. A victim, shouting at the world for being told what he couldn’t do, even though they were right. He was weak, and pathetic, and irreparably broken. But, despite all that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them that didn’t wanna leave. The only one, who realized how pitiful the life he’d left behind actually was.”

Scientist: Okay. Well. It’s definitely poop.Mac: Uh, yeah. We...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 03:09:00 +1000

Scientist: Okay. Well. It’s definitely poop.
Mac: Uh, yeah. We know that, guy.
Scientist: Whoever it was seems to have been eating newspaper.
Dennis: Alright, well now we’re getting somewhere. Which one of you idiots was eating a goddamn newspaper?
Charlie: It’s gonna go both ways, dude.
Dennis: Really?
Charlie: Sorry. Yeah. What else?
Scientist: This appears to be a piece of a credit card.
Frank: Inconclusive.
Dennis: How is that not specific to one of you?
Charlie: I wish it was, man. But that’s inconclusive.
Scientist: Oh boy. There’s a good deal of blood in this stool.
Charlie: Of course there is.
Scientist: Whoever’s it is should see a doctor.
Charlie: Well, don’t give us judgements. Just tell us what’s in there.
Scientist: Is this wolf hair?
Frank: Also inconclusive.
Dennis: Jesus Christ!
Charlie: Dude, there is so much wolf hair in our apartment.
Dennis: But why are you eating it?
Charlie: It gets in everything!
Mac: Both of you are eating wolf!?
Frank: We had a wolf in our apartment.
Charlie: Have you tried it before!?

(on the furnishings of a new kitchen) Rob Brydon: You may have...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:32:09 +1000

(on the furnishings of a new kitchen)

Rob Brydon: You may have said, ‘I want an island in the middle….’

David Mitchell: I’m not a god; I’m not making a planet! ‘I want an island and a lagoon and… I want DRAGONS in the North.’

Photo

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:19:30 +1000

The stairs keep me young. Thanks to those repetitive little...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:25:16 +1000

The stairs keep me young. Thanks to those repetitive little right angles, I will live long enough to walk on another planet and taste extraterrestrial flesh. Will it be briny and full of gristle like a manatee steak? Or lean and gamy like a Chinaman? You ever think about how weird stairs are? It’s like you’re walking along and there’s a floor and then a little bit of a wall and a little bit of a floor again, little bit of a wall, over and over and over again? It’s crazy! Also, you ever try ecstasy? It’s wonderful.

"What they found out is that people are 96% chimpanzee. That’s a lot of monkey! I mean, is that even..."

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:08:04 +1000

“What they found out is that people are 96% chimpanzee. That’s a lot of monkey! I mean, is that even worth arguing? If I gave you a sandwich and it was 96% shit and 4% ham, would you be willing to call it a ham sandwich?”

- Joe Rogan, “Talking Monkeys in Space”

Photo

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 17:36:31 +1000

Photo

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:42:58 +1000